Emotional Hangover

Ever had one?  You know, where the wonderfulness or simple intensity of something just knocks you down and puts you on hold for a day...or three?

In my case, it has been about three weeks.

I was blessed to be able to attend the Created for Care conference in Atlanta, GA back in January.  I wasn't sure what to expect from this conference of adoptive mamas.  I admit I was afraid I might be stepping into the "adoption cult" and really hoped that was not the case.

Let me explain.  As you know, all five of our kids were adopted but it was not out of a sense of justice or a need to save a child.

We just wanted kids, and they were not going to grow in this body.

As our family grew, our passion for adoption grew and we did take bigger leaps of faith but that was not how it began.  Adoption was a calling God placed on us.  I do not believe He places it on everyone.  I strive to be very careful in my advocacy to be sensitive to the individual and God's plan for their life.  If you are not called, you should NOT adopt.

So with this caution in my heart I stepped into the conference.

I was met by hundreds of tired faces, mamas who are walking through waiting, adjustment, attachment issues, special needs, and just plain fatigue.

Mamas who desperately needed to be mommied.

And oh, were we mommied.  We worshipped with abandon, heard the Word proclaimed, were reassured that we are, in fact, equipped by God to do what He has called us to do, and ate chocolate.

Lots, and lots of chocolate.

The deepest blessing came on Sunday morning, during the last session.  Scriptures were read over us that we as adoptive mamas pray over our children almost daily.  As we strive to help them navigate the waters of their stories, overcome fears and insecurities, and learn to understand who they are in Christ we constantly remind them...
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Jesus loves you perfectly.
He will never leave you nor forsake you.

But this time, these Scriptures were for me.  I did not realize until the tears were flooding my cheeks and sobs prevented me from singing another word how desperately I needed to be reminded of these things.

You see, this parenting thing is hard.  It is complicated and messy and I honestly don't know what the heck I am doing sometimes.  But God...oh, the mercy.  Oh, the grace.

I find my rest in God alone...I find my strength in Him.  Without Him, I can do nothing.  In my own strength I am doomed to fail...to only be able to repair the walls halfway (see Nehemiah!) but WITH Him...HE promises to faithfully complete the work...HE does it, not me.  He is the repairer of hearts, the redeemer of broken pasts, the author of our stories.  He uses hardship and suffering to strengthen and refine His children, all of them...including mine.  He will teach them to find their identity in Him, He will turn their faces towards Him and speak truth into their hearts through the Holy Spirit.  I can trust Him with my babies, even when they don't trust Him...or me.

My Jesus is an expert at bringing beauty from ashes.

Yes, I have been suffering from an emotional hangover for the past few weeks.  I have wanted to write for so long but just have been unable to put into words what has been percolating in my heart.  I just want to encourage you, though, to go to one of these conferences if you get the opportunity.  You will be so glad you did.

Created for Care