Wednesday, March 28, 2012

To my son on his birthday...

Twelve years ago a little boy quietly entered the world and my life forever changed.  He was placed in my arms and suddenly it happened.  In the blink of an eye my arms were filled and I became what I had longed, hoped, and begged to become for four years...
a mother.
My son reading
The Action Bible:  God's Redemptive Story
Illustrated by Sergio Cariello

To my firstborn son:

My sweet boy, you are not so much that anymore.  You are growing up.  Twelve.  You are figuring out what all of this means, this life and emotions and questions and realizing it is all just so complicated.

You are becoming a young man.  Your voice is deepening and your tastes are changing.  You are excited and afraid all at the same time, though you would never admit it.

I love that you still seek my hugs.  I love when you curl up on the couch beside me and let me hold you, let me remember when you were little and soft.  I love the way you love your siblings, the way you baby the 5 year olds and pamper the little girls, the way you make Drew feel so big and important by including him in your basketball games, and the fact that you and Katie are the best of friends.  I love how much you love your father.  You are his shadow and it is a beautiful thing.  He leads you well, and it gives me peace to know you have his example before you.

I love how easily you forgive.  You have been my guinea pig, sweet boy.  You have borne the brunt of my lack of parenting knowledge, of my mistakes.  You have dealt with the seasons where we are too strict and where we are too lax and where we are just flat out scared and don't know what to do next.  But you still love.

These days are hard, I know.  You have so much happening all at once and you want so much to be known for who you are, yet you really don't know who that is yet.

And neither do I.

But I want to tell you something important.  Who you really are is who you are in Him.  Apart from Him you are not living in Truth.  You are dearly loved.  You are important.  You are chosen.  You are set apart and I pray, with all of my heart and soul, that you will live your life remembering always that you are set apart for Jesus.  I pray your faith will grow deep roots and that you will know that you know that you know who He is and who you are in Him.

The first time I saw you, my heart was forever captured.  The first night I held you, I gazed at you in awe.  I remember telling you at 2:30 in the morning that had I known it was you I was waiting for, the wait would have been so much easier.  I could have waited patiently for a decade if I had known how it would feel in that moment to be your mother.
You have my heart, my firstborn son.  You own a part of me that is yours alone.  I cannot put into words the love I have for you, but I will try.  I love you unconditionally, forever, no matter what.  Through the good and the bad, through the agreements and disagreements, I will never be less than proud to my very core to be your mother.

This is the last of the preteens...this is your twelfth birthday!  I can hardly believe it has been twelve years.  It has been twelve incredible years with you.  Next year you will usher in yet another new experience for us as parents:  the teen years.  I am scared and excited all at the same time.  I know you are too.  May the Lord bless you with wisdom.  May He mature you into a strong and secure young man of God.  May the love of Jesus fill you and flow out of you into the lives of everyone you meet.  And may He protect your mind, your body, and your spirit...keeping you whole and pure and fit for the incredible calling that I believe He has upon your life.  May you know joy and victory, and may you know Jesus as your constant companion.
May His word come alive and His Spirit train you up in all the workings of the Kingdom.

My precious son, may you walk closely with the Lord all the days of your life.  I love you to the moon...
and back.


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