Friday, September 6, 2013

His Calling

I spent about two weeks writing about character qualities, the ones that top my priority list as a mom and that I hope to instill in these five children who fill my days.  I thought long and hard and hit the "publish" button then was seized by a wave of doubt.  The conversation in my head went something like this:

"Who do you think you are?  You don't have it all figured out.  Heck, half the time you struggle to get through a day without shooting "the look" at one of your kids.  If your readers (if there are any) saw how they were arguing this morning, they way you lost your temper and sent them to their rooms, they wouldn't give your blog a second look.

You are a fake.

You are giving advice when it is you who needs it.

Who do you think you are?"

Oh, how the enemy of our souls loves to hurt us.  Oh, how he jabs and snarls and snaps at my heels as I stumble in the dark.  Oh, how quickly I am prone to believe his lies.

But here's the deal.  If you know me, you know I don't have it all figured out.  The encouragement and advice I post are out of my need.  I am starting my day in the Word, seeking wisdom and strength because I do struggle to get through a day without shooting "the look"...the one that makes them wither because they know Mom has had one of my kids.  Parenting is HARD.  I am not always good at it.  Therefore, I seek wisdom from the Lord and from others who have gone before me.

And when I am blessed to be given a nugget of truth I feel I should share it with you because I know you would do the same.

Who do I think I am?

I am called to write.  I am called to encourage.  I am called to minister hope to my family and to the readers of this little corner of the internet.  I am called to refuse to be discouraged by the enemy's flaming arrows and to stand for what I know is true.

I am called to love my babies well.  Just this morning, as I drove miss Mari home from her Occupational Therapy appointment, we spotted two deer playing together.  It was a mama and her baby.  The mama pounced, planting her feet wide and hunkering low in front of her little one who spun and skipped across the green expanse of freshly cut grass into a grove of trees where the two chased each other with happy abandon.  The dangers of the busy road were only yards away, but that mama in that moment was focused on her baby...
delighting in him.

THAT is what God has called me to do.  He wants me, wants us, to delight in these children, in this privilege of motherhood.  He wants me to sit and ponder the awe in my daughter's face as the deer dance before her and to memorize the smile of my son as he runs through the sprinklers, emerging soaking wet and smelling of well water.  He wants me to admit my limitations and trust Him to complete what I leave undone because He also wants me to take the necessary time to rest and recharge instead of running on empty 90% of the time.

This is His calling.  Today I purpose to follow it to the best of my abilities, and you can rest assured I will share the journey with you.

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