Today, I am thankful for a condition that has marked my body for sixteen years...
Through this thorn in my flesh, I came to know God more deeply than I had ever known Him before. Those years of waiting, of longing, of grasping for that carrot that seemed always just beyond my reach...
those years taught me more than a million hours of seminary every could.
God grew me in those years. He grew me in ways that I have difficulty putting into words. He showed me how to lay down my sword and let Him fight. He showed me the meaning of trust.
He let me run out of words and hit the wall, so that in my brokenness I would fall into the arms of my sisters in Christ and let them intercede.
Because the blessing of the journey was never meant just for me.
He showed Himself strong in my weakness. He brought out the tender warrior in my husband.
He loved me through it and, even before the promise was fulfilled, he made me thankful for the pain.
I remember...looking into her eyes and she wept..."I don't know if I will ever be able to have a baby"...and I was able to honestly say, from the depths of my soul,
"You are going to be okay. You will learn so much from this. He will get you through and you will somehow thank Him for this pain."
Yes, I said it, and I meant it.
I still do.
Five children later, I am still leaning on the lessons He taught me in those years. As new challenges arise, and new worries threaten my heart, I look back on these stones of remembrance...every time He came through, how He never even one time failed me...and I hold onto those stones with hands clenched for dear life, lest I drop one.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Psalm 9:10)