Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Tension...

You know those Sunday mornings, when all is not well?
The kids are fighting, Mom and Dad are losing their patience, and then get into an argument in the car?
Those Sunday mornings when you are tempted to just forget it and stay home because no one is feeling exactly worshipful?

But then you get to church against all odds and, boy, are you glad you did.  The sermon seemed to be directed squarely at you, the worship was anointed even more than usual, and you leave feeling like you have nearly touched the face of God.

Let me just say that, after today, I am assuming this Lenten season is going to be awesome.
And I mean A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

As I prepared to log off of Facebook and begin this admittedly unusual fast, the tension level in my home skyrocketed.  It didn't help that I still wasn't feeling great after yesterday's experience, so my patience level was not at it's highest.  Add to that a rough morning where attitudes went south and my temper shot straight up and, well, let's just say I lost several mom-of-the-year points today.

Several.

I sat my babies down this afternoon and reminded them that I DO love them so.  Oh, how I love them.  I talked and explained and hopefully took advantage of a teachable moment.  But tonight a certain African went to bed early and I have been trying to oh-so-patiently get the next two in bed without an argument.
Because there have been a lot of arguments today.

I have logged out of Facebook and can already feel the conflict.  I seriously cannot believe how I am feeling.
Is this an attack?  I have to think it is.  God knows my heart, the longing for intimacy and fresh encounters with Him.  And I believe the enemy knows as well and would like nothing more than to see me fall flat on my face.

But, by the grace of God, I will not fall because the very reason I have decided to observe this season is to draw closer to the One who defeated sin and death and ROSE from the grave.  He bore the very sin that plagued me today.  He washes me white as snow.  And He calls me to draw close, to be still and know that HE is God...not my schedule, not the state of clean (or unclean) throughout my home, not textbooks or paperwork, and certainly not Facebook.  He wants to be the first person I see in the morning and the last I see at night.  He wants me to stop and look Him full in the face throughout the day and be filled so that I can, in turn, fill these little hearts and minds that look to me for their training and loving.

Yes, Lord.  I am ready.

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